Truth

Driven because I’m thirsty and
will be until
I’m satisfied.

Satisfying.
To just be.
Quiet.

When living loud, it’s easy to be appreciated
and
always thirsty.

When I dream about it, it seems like that would never end
until I’m in my 80s, at the top
and have spent my whole life getting there.
Just to get there
To get to…truth.
It would take the whole time
to get to where I can just speak
and people hear and know within – it rings true for them.
It would take a long time, to get to what was needed all along,
and those times would still be rare.

I need another’s articulation of what is, of what, in my head, is.
And it is NOT non-specific, only what I want hear. It is truth.

I don’t need wishy-washy. I need truth;
I need the opposite – clarity.

I don’t need post-modern
Post-modern needs me.

Eyes to See, Ears that Hear – Are you out there?

There is a place that it seems only I know, where some others tend to go visit as well, where life is beautiful.

It’s full of living streams and flowing waters, of ever-changing fields of green and purple and blue.

Even in my closest circles it is a place that only my eyes see, only my eyes are able to enjoy, to behold, and this saddens me to my core…to know for certain that I am the only one.

Yes, our feelings bind us, but that is very little of who we are. And they don’t, can’t, seem to see me, or accept me, or even notice me, let alone share in my joy with me.

And yet my eyes see beautiful things, things that would bring beauty to their souls too, I know, because they are inherently beautiful.

Is this the path I am called to, to be a light that few can see, and no one shares in with me?? Why is this so? I feel so lonely and sad.

I feel as though I walk this planet alone,

until I pen these words. And then those of you who see the colors too, you will read and weep at my words as I am, and you will come calling to me, that I am indeed not alone, that there are many of us who see the colors of the world and long for the people we love to see them too. You will tell me that you too have gone through periods of loneliness, sometimes pointed, and then I hope you’ll share with me your wisdom, to build me up, to add your light to mine that my light may shine brighter still, which is precisely that which makes your soul shine brightest and best.

Please, share with me your stories, if you read and recognize my language. I know you are out there. I know I am not the only one.

Why we never give up.

“…rooted and established in love…” – Ephesians 3:17

What is this love but breath of life, grown from birth in love, all creation being ours, given gifts to give, heights to attain for our own fulfillment and in that fulfillment gifts for all mankind, every human, every where, destined for this. What is it but growth until through death we cross over to eternal bliss and complete oneness with God our maker?

This is the love that sustains us in every kind of trial.

This is the love that leads us to the overcoming of all evil, within ourselves and the world over, in every personal encounter and interaction, and in every terrorist/vile act against humanity, on any scale, individual to massive.

This is the love in which we are rooted and established. This is why we never give up.

There is no reason to.

Peace to all who suffer. Strength to all in the fight. May love surround you and lead you on.

I ran with the sky today.

A Breath Alights

aware in this moment, amazement with no words – cat Ivy quietly settles in to be with me as I type, completely content to be at my side. An apple for a snack, at room temperature and juicy-crisp, just the way I like them, plus the remnant of a kale-mango-pineapple-tomato-cucumber-banana smoothie to wash it down, and water to prepare my body for the beautiful run I am about to take. A recliner couch of cool blue supports my body, every appendage but my head, which sits erect upon my neck, my mouth moving to the shape of the words my fingers type. Silence all around save the sound of traffic moving along the street that’s down the road, and the hum of my laptop – there’s that as well.

So there you have it, peace all around me and peace within, free for out-flowing thought of whatever my soul breathes today, set down in these moments set aside for just such a pleasant purpose. What will come next? Ahh, the next page awaits…

Truth in Time

As I have looked at time pass, I have felt a loss, but in truth there has been none,

for that time was lived. Ahh, peace.

Love Out Here

I was kept isolated

for so long

from the truth

about the world around me,

taught to deny reality,

to hate,

to shun all others as evil –

out there = bad

in here = good

The evil of men encamped

around me.

My mind was not allowed

to be free.

So many questions

no answers

Ashamed

I kept quiet.

I pledged allegiance

And went about my studies of

what they meant.

I took it in

all of it

I tried to live it

the best I could.

Questions remained

unanswered

And so I believed

what they said

and did it.

I grew up

with hatred

and fear

in my heart

And a desperate need

for love

I knew

I didn’t deserve.

I needed to love too, somehow

And so I did –

the best I could.

But it was a sad outcome overall

and I was left empty,

and emptier still.

God is in this now

Outside church.

I am getting help,

I am meeting God here.

I had to become broken

all the way down

to where

I started.

So there I started

to be built up again

in the real world

with questions

answered this time,

and truths

revealed.

Life changes

My mind resets

straight.

And I can love

For there is love

out here.

Fear’s Failure

Satan takes my ugliest fears about myself and puts my beloved’s face on them.

They speak the words of someone who has no compassion for me.

To that I say, it’s not good for me, so I will leave it behind.

For I live in a world of compassion, with a compassionate God, and and I choose to surround myself with compassionate people.

They are the ones I trust, the ones who have shown their true colors and are more than worthy of my trust — they are called my friends.

That is what’s good for me: to be loved, and to love, without fear. For fear simply tells a different story that is hurtful and that is in fact a lie.

Its story doesn’t exist.

A Moment Noticed

This moment is my right of passage into the next.

Not some external goal as a right of passage into real living, but just one moment into the next moment – this, now, is real living.

Decisions flow best from a curious, patient, compassionate experience of this moment into the next. I can trust myself and grow in trust of myself as I experience this moment and where it leads me.

I can think in hypotheticals about what this would look like in other situations, whether this presence would work in what-if or what-was situations, but I am not in other situations. I am here, now, and the important thing is this moment flowing into the next, and that is how the future becomes mine.

Wow. This builds great trust in myself. This builds great peace with myself; each moment just flowing into the next means no judgement, no second-guessing, because going back is not useful, nor is it really possible. Trying only takes my attention away from the present moment.

The past as it is is useful though. It is my teacher for moment to come; it is valuable for leading me into the future as nothing else can be. No amount of planning or trying to look ahead or determination can get me there well – only the truth of the past leads into the real future, so I might as well experience this moment as fully as I can as it happens, so as to not miss out on all the richness it holds.

Safe and Solid Ground

Relationships can be confusing, tumultuous, boring, stagnant, and short-lived. They can also be gratifying, thrilling, sweet, and rich with blessings. Safe and solid ground is the difference between the two, and this is what I pray for.

My safe and solid ground rests on a deep connection to myself and who I am, what I feel, and what I think. It also rests on a peace-based trust in a fully faithful God who has made me the way I am and built me for relationships that grow organically.

Good soil, fertile soil for safe and solid relationships is based in knowing oneself, and in giving full freedom to the other to reveal themselves as they see fit. That space and distance for openness is essential. Caution, awareness, and a willingness to be open together guide my own decisions on what to reveal about myself, and through little steps like these towards each other, over a long period of time, deep, solid relationships can grow.

These are the kind of relationships I want to invest my time in. They are lifelong, and they are full of gifts for both people. They allow for complete diversity, openness, and acceptance, and they allow us to grow as individuals. Those interactions, where true listening and truthful speaking take place, are treasures I cannot value enough, for they are where rich gifts are exchanged, the gifts of another’s experience and wisdom. These rare exchanges can be life-changing on any number of levels, but on some level, they always have that quality. What a precious treasure in life a good friendship is.

So, being human and built for relationships, I cannot help but seek them. We are all blessed to be able to determine to invest the patience and time needed to build relationships on safe and solid ground. Let us take our time with people. With awareness and conscious living, the ones we are ready to connect with and those ready to connect with us will not pass us by. They are merely walking on their way as we are until the the divine moment of connection opens up the beginning of a wonderful journey toward knowing, valuing, and loving another very special human being.